Whiskey Lullaby
by HanakoAnimeaddict
Summary: If he was given a chance to redo everything, he would stay away from Japan to save him from this fate. But, there are no redo buttons, and he had to live with the mistakes he made.  USUK and one-sided Japan/UK


Disclaimer: No own Hetalia. Owes inspiration to Dandelion Country (info on userpage).

Warning: Character death and shounen-ai.

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><p>Kiku wondered if it was possible for a nation to kill himself. It was when he had come home that night he attempted to kill himself; it worked, and he got his wish.<p>

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><p>Ludwig and Feliciano came by to check on him—he had been getting depressed—and found him lying on his stomach. At first, they thought he was sleeping but when they got close enough, they say the wound caused by the bullet. The entrance wound was on his right temple, but they couldn't find the exit room.<p>

"Is…is Kiku _dead_?"

Ludwig, stunned, said, "Ja." Even without the note in his left hand, they both knew it was because of Arthur.

Feliciano cried and clung to Ludwig, who was silently shedding his own tears. When Ludwig managed to compose himself, he called an ambulance to take his body.

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><p>When they arrived late to the G8 meeting, the others had questions. It all ended when Ludwig said he had to report something. "Kiku Honda, the representive of Japan, is unavailable to join us for this meeting."<p>

The commotion started again, but this time whispering lies about Kiku. It was sickening to hear those rumors that Kiku disproved long ago appear again.

Both Germany and Italy couldn't stand to be near America, who was the final push towards his decision, the one who pushed him off the edge. They heard him cry about how America would silently boast about his relationship to Japan.

The meeting wasn't conducted as usual—they needed to find another nation to sit in, or find the next Japan. Instead, Germany called England over to give a note that Japan had specifically written for him.

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><p>He kept reading the note, seeing the same words repeat itself to him. He couldn't believe that someone like him would die just because he loved someone else. He knew that it was his fault, but he couldn't really process it any more than the others did.<p>

"Why, Kiku? Why did you die?"

Maybe if he hadn't "led him on", like Kiku said he did, he would be alive. Maybe he could've fallen in love with someone else—someone that wouldn't cause him to die.

It hurt him too much to think about the cause of Kiku's death. He didn't want to believe that Kiku had killed himself because he was with Alfred. It seems too cruel—to him—that a nation rising in power was always in pain, and never taking in the pleasure that came with being powerful.

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><p>The funeral was short, not because no one wanted to show up, but because very few people were invited. He couldn't see Alfred—or Heracles (though he suspected that he was sleeping when Germany and Italy went to hunt down his few friends). It held him, Ludwig, Feliciano, Yao and shockingly, Ivan (he thinks that the only reason he came was because he managed to get the information out of Yao.) The others that were there were politicians from Japan, and then there was the priest.<p>

Arthur saw his body being lowered into the ground, watching him being buried next to the sapling. He planted it a few days earlier, to hopefully ease some of the guilt he was feeling, and he knew that it would grow into a Cherry Blossom Tree. It would bloom when it reached maturity, or so the shopkeeper said.

Even then, the guilt ate at him—planting the tree didn't help ease the guilt, but it made the guilt he felt even worse. The tree wouldn't have to be planted—and he wouldn't have to ease his guilt—if Kiku hadn't killed himself because of him. He tried to do whatever he could to make the guilt go away, but nothing worked.

He tried to contact Kiku, but was turned away as soon as Kiku saw who was contacting him. That only made him feel worse—if Kiku couldn't even talk to him, it was a pretty serious situation.

The guilt at him for years—years that included him avoiding everyone he could (including America). He tried to ignore it at first, but eventually had to rely on alcohol to forget. It was because of the alcohol, he made the decision he did.

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><p>A child with ebony hair held out his hand to his new friend. "Arthur, we shouldn't have come."<p>

Arthur stuck his tongue out at his friend. "Don't worry, Kiku! No one will find out that we were here. I could say I just fell while I was running."

Kiku was still uncertain about Arthur's decision, but he wouldn't let his friend go on his own, even if he didn't like it. "Then, I suppose we could go…"

Arthur smiled at Kiku. "I knew you'd see it my way!"

Unbeknownst to the two children, people were watching them—mainly Alfred and Ludwig.


End file.
